if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
