i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
