She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
