i think my tv is drunk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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