Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
