Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
