I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want her autograph on my taint
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
