I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
