Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
