1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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