note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
