She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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