when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
even my farts smell like vagina
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
