The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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