I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
