oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Are we still banned from the library?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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