Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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