i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
