shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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