I'm really into asian looking animals
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
