Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
