Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
