Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box

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(804): View more from Virginia

he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

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(302): View more from Delaware

Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?

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(647): View more from Ontario

Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?

(1+44): View more from

It's a podium place so yeah...

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(928): View more from Arizona

You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions

(1-928): View more from Arizona

Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.

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