Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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