Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
