I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
