I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
