just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
