Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
