My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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