I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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