ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
