Just fell off a train. Bad.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
