If i come over, it means nothing
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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