Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
