i just sent this text using only my big toe
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
