It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
