worst night to have a conscience
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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