shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
