cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
