Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
