i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
