I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
