I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
