my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
