She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
