i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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