brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
