just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
