I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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