By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
ttyl tear gas
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
