new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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