wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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