he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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