Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
