Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
