how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
