I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
