Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
