Welp...herpes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
