Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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