found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
