I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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