Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
