I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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