Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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