suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
