dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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