I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
third nipple confirmed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
