Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
