even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
