Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
