i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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