i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
