My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
