thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
