Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
